H A P P Y



Pictures are of a few things that bring me joy :)



I’ve been thinking a lot about being happy lately. What is it that makes someone so full of joy in all things? You know those people that seem to be constantly in a state of happiness, a smile for everyone they see, and whose lives are seemingly perfect because of how much delight they take out of such small happenings? I love people like that! I want to be that person. Admittedly, some days [the gloomy days that happen more often than I’d like] I don’t like those people as much. Their level of happiness appears unattainable to me as I wallow in self-pity over lack of sleep, being hangry, having a homeless-person hair day, etc. 

Far too many of my days are spent longing for something different, something more in my life than what I currently have, and I’m finally realizing that therein lays my problem. I need to be happy about my life NOW. Not when I’ve finally traveled to Europe, or lived on an island, or gotten married or lost weight, or am finally an RN. There is something beautiful in every day. The more I realize and accept this, the more I look for that beauty and find that peace and contentment that I so frequently ache to have.

Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.

-Abraham Lincoln-

I used to hate it when people told me I could choose to be happy [some days, I still strongly dislike it]. The idea that I was the one holding the reins and that I couldn’t depend on others for validation drove me nuts! It seemed like too much responsibility when I could easily just pin my unhappiness on external influences.

I’m really ridiculously into quotes and I love this one from President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Stop seeking out storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight…… We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes… You can’t, you don’t, build out of pessimism or cynicism. You look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen.” There is so much to be happy about if I just look around more closely.

I work on a Burn Trauma ICU. We get patients here who have been in horrible fires and whose skin is utterly wrecked from the flames. They are able to get skin grafts as part of the healing [modern medicine rocks], but that doesn’t get them back to how they were before the fire and they are left with some pretty gnarly scarring. Now, I’ve always been fairly reasonably upset with my flawed skin [Seriously, shouldn’t breakouts go away when I hit my twenties? Is it too much to ask to not look like a puberty-stricken 15 year old at 22? Apparently it is.] Having seen what I’ve seen on the burn unit, I am beyond grateful for the skin I have. I can’t begin to fathom how hard not only being burned would be, but also the difficulty of the recovery and permanent after-effects.

It’s easy to talk about being happy, and how easy being happy should be, when I’m having a good day. When I first started this post, I was having a great day. Nothing particularly great had happened, but I was in a care-free mood and was finding joy in all the little things that day. Work had gone by fast; I had fun conversations with my co-workers that made me feel like I finally belonged in my new environment. The weather was gorgeous, I got to go for a run out in the sun and get a little tan. Nothing huge had happened, but it was a good day. While running, I was struck with these thoughts about happiness and felt the need to put them into writing.

Today, however, is not as good of a day. It’s not a bad one. But I don’t feel that same peace and contentment that I felt while on that sunny afternoon jog. These are the days that it is harder to find that silver-lining and see the beauty in the little things. Consequently, this is also the type of day that finding that happiness is so crucial.

So here I go trying to practice what I preach and find the beauty in today.

·         I’ve been at work all day, but it has been a rainy day, so I haven’t been missing out on sunshine.

·         Only 2 more days until I get to live my dream of going to Europe!

·         I got to chat with a very nice older gentleman about his life, while watching the rain and waiting for his ride home.

·         A patient’s family member gave me a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg [does life get any better than that?!]

·         Some sweet friends brought me lunch to work and I got to take a break with them here.

·         I get to receive hilarious Snapchats from my goofy/awesome sister all day long to spell my boredom.

·         In a few hours, I can get in my car and listen to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on my drive home [I’m a little ludicrously excited for this one]

Life is what you make it. I wanted to live outside of Utah for a while and just get away, but I didn’t have enough money for it. So I found an opportunity that would pay me to live on an exotic island, travel out of the country, and knock a few items off my bucket list. When I returned to Utah from said island, I finally found a few people who could commit to going to Europe with me, but I didn’t have a job, or money. So I went major job hunting, found a decent job with even more decent pay, and now I’m off to Europe in a few days, making another of my dreams come true.

I can be bummed that I don’t have parents made of money, who pay for my every whim (though I do have great parents that help me out a bit when they can and I’m super grateful for them!). But moaning about my circumstances won’t get me a new job or a trip to Europe. Going out and actively working hard and searching harder is what has helped me accomplish the things I have today, and continue to help me accomplish the goals I have.

“Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.”

-INVICTUS –